THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU ..Family, Friends, my PortCrossfit Family, my fellow crossfitters, blog readers ..who have sent me your words of encouragement and support, it means so much to me and is important to my healing, I LOVE YOU!
KIDS
My oldest Kaite has become my caretaker making sure my wounds were cleaned and dressed, made sure i ate and took my antibiotics, allowed me to sleep, did my errands for me, whatever i needed, she has done for me. The day after the attack Erin, had her second High School Varsity Softball playoff game. It was everything within me to get up, shower and drive (in pain) to her game to watch her play. When they lost, the other girls on her team cried and ignored their parents, Erin came running over "I love you mommy, i am so glad your here!" with a hug and a kiss. She has held me many times as i cried and told me it was OK not to be strong, that it was OK for me to let them (the kids) help me. My oldest and my youngest would come up with a paleo meals that they would cook together. Mike would beam with pride when I would say "Good choice Mike!" My son has also armed me with an arsenal of weapons...a bat, a knife and samurai swords so that i can protect myself from any dog or Superhero Nemesis. Now if i could just get them to clean the house life would be perfect, hahahaha. I LOVE YOU KAITE, ERIN and MIKE "to infinity and beyond!!"
EVERYDAY STUFF
This week (6/10/2013) brings quite a few firsts for me. I have woken up hungry, actually ate all 3 meals and my snack, i had been sub existing on only 2 meals and a snack. I have been keeping my eating "clean" as we say in crossfit. Clean eating is KEY to my healing both physically and mentally. I have recently started sleeping without any nightmares. I have finally worked up to 7 hours of straight sleep. It feels great to wake up happy and rested both mentally and physically. I am more confident to venture outside and do my own errands. This is also the first week i can lift my patient at work without pain, my pediatric patient cannot move by himself, he is 100lbs of dead weight...caring for him injured has been a challenge to say the least. Little by little, step by step, i am making progress in feeling like myself again.
CROSSFIT
It is difficult to crossfit with both a arm and leg injury, both on the same side. It is also hard to accept because of your injury you need to scale down your weights. The day after the attack i couldn't even pick up a coffee cup, i had no grip strength, and my leg was painful just sitting. It was mentally and physically overwhelming just to get up out of bed and thru the doors at PortCrossfit. My first class on Tuesday (5/28/2013), was surreal, i felt like i was moving in slow motion and everyone else was moving at lightening speed. I left class feeling apathetic, that scared me! I was thinking the whole drive home "am i going to ever feel normal again? " In Wednesday's (5/29/2013) class we had to do Turkish get-ups , i was having difficulty gripping the kettlebell, and had to scale the weight down. In the middle of the WOD , I just wanted to quit, I was thinking "this is too hard for me, I cant do this" and I contemplated running out the door! I have NEVER, EVER felt that way, even when I first started! Thru these self-defeating thoughts, I hear my coach (thanks Mike!) say "Right back up, Elisa!"...reluctantly I got up, finished. "Seriously Elisa, you wanted to quit?", I am thinking to myself and crying the whole way home. I took a day off to rest and it scared me that I didn't miss crossfit. Friday's (5/31/2013) class we begin the WOD with building to a heavy hang squat clean, I was encouraged because I was able to get to 85lbs, not my heaviest, it hurt to squat, but it was a weight I felt I could accept from myself. After that we had to do 5 rounds for time of 200 meter run, 15 hand release push ups, 15 power cleans. I take 20lbs off my bar, drop down to 65lbs and give myself a pep talk. " OK Elisa this is a weight you warm up with, your 1 rep max is 105lbs, you can do this" 3-2-1 -GO! I run..my legs feel like lead, i do modified push ups, then i get to the power cleans i break the 15 reps into workable sets of 5. As I am running my second round i seriously considered dropping my weight, because the 65lbs felt exceptionally heavy to me but then the fighter in me FINALLY stepped up and said "NO Elisa, you can do this, you did the first 15!" I didn't care if PortCrossfit was turning off the lights and locking the place up, i was not giving up, i was going to finish! I ran in from my fifth round, did my 15 hand-release push ups, now on to the power cleans 15 reps to finish, at this point everyone else in the class is done! I do the first 5 of my final set, my grip is failing, i throw the bar down, i hear my coach (Tyler)"YOU got this 10, 9, 8, 7, 6,5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Pick Up The Bar, 5 more, 10 to finish!! ", I can hear everyone in class cheering me on! I can only hold the bar for three more reps, down it goes, it is so hard for me to hold, I pick the bar up again for 3 more reps, again my grip fails..."You got this Elisa, break it into sets of 2" from my coach, that's what I do. With the last completed rep, I throw down the bar, i uncontrollably start sobbing, and walk out of class into the parking lot. One of my friends comes out after me "Elisa, are you OK?" and she gives me a hug..i start crying again "yes, Linds, these are happy tears, i didn't give up or give in, and i finished!" I didn't even record my time for that day, I didn't care. What mattered to me is that i didn't give up, I had a "normal" reaction in class and that is a PR. Last week(6/3/2013) I was able to PR my strict overhead press, do banded pull ups, and I took Olympic lifting class like I usually do. This week (6/10/2013) I have been able to do knees to chest all unbroken reps without losing my grip, do a triple heavy push jerk very close to my one rep max, and swing a 1.25 pood (44-45lbs) kettle bell, it hurt to go overhead but i was able to get it eye level without pain.
Each small improvement whether its everyday stuff or crossfit, brings me closer to healing and that keeps me so encouraged that my life will get back to normal. I just have to hang in there, keep my eyes on my faith, and keep moving forward and not give up!
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