IT'S A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU!!

THE CONSPIRACY STARTS

Last year in January i was driving home on the northern state parkway after dropping my daughter  off for her travel softball team practice. All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye i see something moving onto the parkway, its a very large raccoon. I am traveling 65 miles per hour, there is a car to the right of me and plenty of cars behind me..so i can't move out of the way or stop short with out causing a major pileup. I sadly i realize i have no choice but to continue on a collision course with this raccoon. 

When I run over the raccoon  i seriously thought i was going to throw up. It took me two days to even look at my car because i was afraid i might see this raccoon plastered all over my car grill. I was shocked by the damage which cost me $2500.00 to fix and 5 days in the auto body shop. The shop owner told me i was 1 of 10 cars in the last year that had accidents with raccoons. I was the only one who could actually drive my car,  so i counted my blessings and thanked God that i was safe and my car was fixable! After that when i would go to work at night i would seen many raccoons crossing road in front of me everywhere. All i could think is "they know, they know i killed their buddy, now they're after me for revenge"...lmao i have a great imagination!

MY NEW PLACE

My new apt is in a heavily wooded area.  Yup you guessed it,  raccoons everywhere, the little bandits raid my garbage pails. What they don't know is, i am a farm girl and i know how to out smart them or so i thought. I bought a garbage pail that locks even if its knocked over...hahahaha! On garbage day {I have an indoor cat} i threw the  used cat liter in an open garbage pail. Raccoons are territorial animals.  They sprayed their scent around that garbage pail. I picked up the garbage pail to bring it in from the curb...wait for it, Yes i now unknowingly had the raccoons scent all over me. 

RUNNING ERRANDS

 I had errands to run and hopped in my car determined to get everything done before crossfit class.  I am at my first errand on my list, standing in a store and all of a sudden i am smelling this funky gamey smell. "wow that smells is strong", i am thinking, "gee who is that and i turn around..gee it smells just like when i was a kid and lived in the park {my dad was a park ranger and we lived on the park property}, gee it smells like a fox, OMG A RACCOON!" THOSE B*****DS!!! I look behind me and there is a line and the people are standing very far away from me...OMG! i get outside the store and like a dog i start sniffing myself.... holy buckets, its me! The garbage pail, i realize! i get in my car and start sniffing the the car. The stench is allover the car, me, my clothes...ugh. I run home and scrub myself down, start a load of laundry, wipe down the inside of my car and pray when i start sweating in crossfit class i don't smell like roadkill.

THE SCENT
It is very hard to explain what a raccoon scent smells like. Have you ever been driving on the road and all of a sudden you smell dead road kill seeping into your car? Yeah that's what i smelled like.

THE RISE OF THE RACCOON'S

I was driving to work last night and i am still picking up a slight smell. The stench of raccoon is all over my beloved suede coat. I now have to get my coat cleaned , I can't wear it til i do, and baby its cold outside! I need to get my car washed.   I am going to try really heard not to smell like dead raccoon when i go out on a date this week. I could get lucky maybe this guy will be a hunter and i will smell "naturally" good to him. I told you the raccoons were out to get me! 

P.S. your wondering how this relates to crossfit? maybe this can be filed under " in crossfit we expect the unexpected?" or under the crossfit philosophy "sometimes you have to embrace the suck"...smelling like roadkill SUCKS!lolololol 

"Sandra Dee" has her groove back

THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE

The other day at the Crossfit box i was partnered up with one of the guys as we were doing an Olympic lift. By the last 2 reps of third set overhead i was struggling, at that moment i felt the guy come up behind me and place his hands on my elbows to help me lockout the bar overhead. In the instant he touched my elbows i blacked out...i no longer heard my coach calling out the tempo in which we were supposed to lift and descend the bar. I suddenly started to think "wow, a guy hasn't touched me in a long time"...the other side of my brain is thinking "um WTF..you have a bar over your head can you concentrate before you drop it?"  

SEX NOW??!!
I could not believe i am in the middle of class having sexual fantasies with a heavy bar over my head and i am trying not to turn 50 shades of red!  I retell the story of what happened to my friends. One said thru her hysterical laughter..."you need a boyfriend". My reply "I know! I wasn't even attracted to this guy". More fits of hysterical laughter, "Elisa, all he did was touch your elbows". I replied"I KNOW !!" My other friend says to me "you need a t-shirt "don't touch me" more hysterical laughter , another friend chimes in "did you read "Fifty shades of Grey"?" i said "what are you kidding, that could prove to be dangerous, a guy could touch me and i might have an orgasm in class and drop the bar" more fits of hysterical laughter . After we wipe our tears from laughing so hard, they both conclude its my age. Ok but WHY?

MRS ROBINSON
 I am such a science geek that i had to know why this phenomena of women reaching their sexual peak in their 40's occurs....here is what i found out..... 1.  more confidence= most women in their 40's have less insecurities about who they are, what they want, and their bodies. Most have an established career which gives them an  identity outside of the role of mom and wife.
 2. higher testosterone levels=as women near menopause the body realizes that this is its last chance to get pregnant increases testosterone production there by increasing sex drive
 3. mommy stage is over=most women in their 40's aren't nursing infants, they have their pre-pregnant figures back, and are having sex for the first time for pleasure not baby making

SEX and EXERCISE
So if being in my forties isn't enough,  now i am Crossfitting and exercise creates sexual benefits too. 

1. several different scientific studies showed that people who exercise become more aroused and more intensely than people who don't

2. exercise improves stamina and flexibility which translates into the bedroom

3. those who exercise have more sex than people don't exercise

4. exercise improves body image and people who exercise feel that they perform better in bed

5. exercise raises testosterone levels which increase sex drive, reduces depression, and increases sexual arousal 

exercise also releases endorphins which aid in supporting the release of sex hormones, creates a feeling a well being known as "runner's high"and helps to reduces stress which is a sexual inhibitor

For now i will continue throwing all my sexual energy into becoming fitter, faster and stronger at Crossfit....and try not to daydream in crossfit class again...hahahahahaha

"put one foot in front of the other"

I haven't written in a while. To quote a friend of mine

 "I think when Sandy hit Long Island she did something to me..I feel crooked...." quote by Lisa Marie Turner

Truly that has been the way i have felt for the last 2 weeks. I have a couple of friends who suffered extensive damage to their homes because of flooding, and are devastated. It is very hard to feel good when so many are hurting. 

PAIN

I saw one of my friends this past weekend, she was in the flood zone, her home had about 4 to 5 feet of water in it during the height of the storm. She now lives between a Friends house and her mother's house..just a couple of clothes that were in her car and what was on her back which she washes everyday to have something to wear. In talking to her, her pain was so palpable, so raw..i wish there was more i could do for her. She was saying how she couldn't sleep, eat,at times she had just wanted to run away and not have to deal with all of this heartache. I suddenly realized that i could relate to what she was feeling. 

LOSS

Five years ago in a period of 6 months so many "bad" things happened to me. My 2nd marriage ended with my ex husband paying off all HIS bills, emptying and closing out our bank account and he walked out the door...no forwarding address or phone number. I had to change my job to make more money..so a new hospital, new coworkers and a new shift-nights 7pm to 7am. The court decided that my children's father who tried to kill me in front of my children was the more "stable parent" and gave him residential custody...he works 9-5, i worked in a hospital which is open 24/7, he knew he had off for the holidays and i didn't, at that time it was legal to mandate nurses to work extra hours after their shift to fill in staff gaps, his 2nd marriage was intact, mine was falling apart and he had a home, mine was being foreclosed upon, the court told me to my face that the "incident" in which he hurt me was long ago and was not relevant to custody of the children....hmmm. My house which i put a $250,000 down payment on was now foreclosed , i tried to sell it, i tried to short sell it, i tried to work with mortgage company finally i had no choice but to decide what  possessions i could take with me and what i HAD to leave behind... 

ALONE

I withdrew from everyone my coworkers, my Friends, my family, from life itself.  I had a hard time sleeping, i over ate, i stopped going out, and i stopped exercising. So many times i wanted to run away and hide,  or just lay down and die, i hurt so bad i cant even begin to describe how much. There were entire weekends when i  didn't  have to work and i didn't have my kids that i spent inside my apartment, in my pajamas, and i cried.

THE UNSINKABLE MOLLY BROWN

I truly don't know how i have made it thru all the pain of all those losses. I can tell you it has taken me four and half years to do so. Daily i put one foot in front of the other. I allowed myself to cry.  I drew upon my faith in God. I knew with 3 children depending on me there was no such thing as giving up or giving in. I had no choice but to walk forward. 

CROSSFIT AND FAITH

Isaiah 40:31 "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." I held on to this bible verse during this dark time. I felt that God was saying to me thru this verse... just hold on, trust me, i will help you thru, we will get thru this together. God was there with me when no one else was, so i trusted him. Last week in Crossfit, we had to do a Hero WOD for the Lurong Paleo challenge which consisted of  ladies scaled division=25 calorie row, 100 single jump ropes, 80 kettle bell swings (25lb kettle bell), 100 air squats, 60 push ups, 100 single jump ropes, 40 sit ups, 100 walking lunges, 20 burpee's in a 25 min  time cap..if you finish all that you start again until time runs out. I cant tell you how brutal this WOD was, how much it hurt, and when i finished round 1 and had more time left all i could think was "s***t I HAVE to keep going"...and i did keep going til my coach yelled TIME! I pointed out to my friend she was a Crossfitter...we don't give up, we don't give in, we keep going. In Crossfit we don't run away from fear we confront it and try to overcome it. Like Debra Cordner-Carson did at the Crossfit Games 2012 this year. 

This is a part of a speech the movie character "Rocky" gives to his son

"Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!"

In the infamous words of Winston Churchill 

 We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender

To my friends as they try and rebuild their lives.... you can do this,  you are strong,  be strong in your faith, don't surrender, keep going, you are not alone , we care about you, we want to help you, we are here for you!