IT'S A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU!!

THE CONSPIRACY STARTS

Last year in January i was driving home on the northern state parkway after dropping my daughter  off for her travel softball team practice. All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye i see something moving onto the parkway, its a very large raccoon. I am traveling 65 miles per hour, there is a car to the right of me and plenty of cars behind me..so i can't move out of the way or stop short with out causing a major pileup. I sadly i realize i have no choice but to continue on a collision course with this raccoon. 

When I run over the raccoon  i seriously thought i was going to throw up. It took me two days to even look at my car because i was afraid i might see this raccoon plastered all over my car grill. I was shocked by the damage which cost me $2500.00 to fix and 5 days in the auto body shop. The shop owner told me i was 1 of 10 cars in the last year that had accidents with raccoons. I was the only one who could actually drive my car,  so i counted my blessings and thanked God that i was safe and my car was fixable! After that when i would go to work at night i would seen many raccoons crossing road in front of me everywhere. All i could think is "they know, they know i killed their buddy, now they're after me for revenge"...lmao i have a great imagination!

MY NEW PLACE

My new apt is in a heavily wooded area.  Yup you guessed it,  raccoons everywhere, the little bandits raid my garbage pails. What they don't know is, i am a farm girl and i know how to out smart them or so i thought. I bought a garbage pail that locks even if its knocked over...hahahaha! On garbage day {I have an indoor cat} i threw the  used cat liter in an open garbage pail. Raccoons are territorial animals.  They sprayed their scent around that garbage pail. I picked up the garbage pail to bring it in from the curb...wait for it, Yes i now unknowingly had the raccoons scent all over me. 

RUNNING ERRANDS

 I had errands to run and hopped in my car determined to get everything done before crossfit class.  I am at my first errand on my list, standing in a store and all of a sudden i am smelling this funky gamey smell. "wow that smells is strong", i am thinking, "gee who is that and i turn around..gee it smells just like when i was a kid and lived in the park {my dad was a park ranger and we lived on the park property}, gee it smells like a fox, OMG A RACCOON!" THOSE B*****DS!!! I look behind me and there is a line and the people are standing very far away from me...OMG! i get outside the store and like a dog i start sniffing myself.... holy buckets, its me! The garbage pail, i realize! i get in my car and start sniffing the the car. The stench is allover the car, me, my clothes...ugh. I run home and scrub myself down, start a load of laundry, wipe down the inside of my car and pray when i start sweating in crossfit class i don't smell like roadkill.

THE SCENT
It is very hard to explain what a raccoon scent smells like. Have you ever been driving on the road and all of a sudden you smell dead road kill seeping into your car? Yeah that's what i smelled like.

THE RISE OF THE RACCOON'S

I was driving to work last night and i am still picking up a slight smell. The stench of raccoon is all over my beloved suede coat. I now have to get my coat cleaned , I can't wear it til i do, and baby its cold outside! I need to get my car washed.   I am going to try really heard not to smell like dead raccoon when i go out on a date this week. I could get lucky maybe this guy will be a hunter and i will smell "naturally" good to him. I told you the raccoons were out to get me! 

P.S. your wondering how this relates to crossfit? maybe this can be filed under " in crossfit we expect the unexpected?" or under the crossfit philosophy "sometimes you have to embrace the suck"...smelling like roadkill SUCKS!lolololol