"put one foot in front of the other"

I haven't written in a while. To quote a friend of mine

 "I think when Sandy hit Long Island she did something to me..I feel crooked...." quote by Lisa Marie Turner

Truly that has been the way i have felt for the last 2 weeks. I have a couple of friends who suffered extensive damage to their homes because of flooding, and are devastated. It is very hard to feel good when so many are hurting. 

PAIN

I saw one of my friends this past weekend, she was in the flood zone, her home had about 4 to 5 feet of water in it during the height of the storm. She now lives between a Friends house and her mother's house..just a couple of clothes that were in her car and what was on her back which she washes everyday to have something to wear. In talking to her, her pain was so palpable, so raw..i wish there was more i could do for her. She was saying how she couldn't sleep, eat,at times she had just wanted to run away and not have to deal with all of this heartache. I suddenly realized that i could relate to what she was feeling. 

LOSS

Five years ago in a period of 6 months so many "bad" things happened to me. My 2nd marriage ended with my ex husband paying off all HIS bills, emptying and closing out our bank account and he walked out the door...no forwarding address or phone number. I had to change my job to make more money..so a new hospital, new coworkers and a new shift-nights 7pm to 7am. The court decided that my children's father who tried to kill me in front of my children was the more "stable parent" and gave him residential custody...he works 9-5, i worked in a hospital which is open 24/7, he knew he had off for the holidays and i didn't, at that time it was legal to mandate nurses to work extra hours after their shift to fill in staff gaps, his 2nd marriage was intact, mine was falling apart and he had a home, mine was being foreclosed upon, the court told me to my face that the "incident" in which he hurt me was long ago and was not relevant to custody of the children....hmmm. My house which i put a $250,000 down payment on was now foreclosed , i tried to sell it, i tried to short sell it, i tried to work with mortgage company finally i had no choice but to decide what  possessions i could take with me and what i HAD to leave behind... 

ALONE

I withdrew from everyone my coworkers, my Friends, my family, from life itself.  I had a hard time sleeping, i over ate, i stopped going out, and i stopped exercising. So many times i wanted to run away and hide,  or just lay down and die, i hurt so bad i cant even begin to describe how much. There were entire weekends when i  didn't  have to work and i didn't have my kids that i spent inside my apartment, in my pajamas, and i cried.

THE UNSINKABLE MOLLY BROWN

I truly don't know how i have made it thru all the pain of all those losses. I can tell you it has taken me four and half years to do so. Daily i put one foot in front of the other. I allowed myself to cry.  I drew upon my faith in God. I knew with 3 children depending on me there was no such thing as giving up or giving in. I had no choice but to walk forward. 

CROSSFIT AND FAITH

Isaiah 40:31 "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." I held on to this bible verse during this dark time. I felt that God was saying to me thru this verse... just hold on, trust me, i will help you thru, we will get thru this together. God was there with me when no one else was, so i trusted him. Last week in Crossfit, we had to do a Hero WOD for the Lurong Paleo challenge which consisted of  ladies scaled division=25 calorie row, 100 single jump ropes, 80 kettle bell swings (25lb kettle bell), 100 air squats, 60 push ups, 100 single jump ropes, 40 sit ups, 100 walking lunges, 20 burpee's in a 25 min  time cap..if you finish all that you start again until time runs out. I cant tell you how brutal this WOD was, how much it hurt, and when i finished round 1 and had more time left all i could think was "s***t I HAVE to keep going"...and i did keep going til my coach yelled TIME! I pointed out to my friend she was a Crossfitter...we don't give up, we don't give in, we keep going. In Crossfit we don't run away from fear we confront it and try to overcome it. Like Debra Cordner-Carson did at the Crossfit Games 2012 this year. 

This is a part of a speech the movie character "Rocky" gives to his son

"Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!"

In the infamous words of Winston Churchill 

 We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender

To my friends as they try and rebuild their lives.... you can do this,  you are strong,  be strong in your faith, don't surrender, keep going, you are not alone , we care about you, we want to help you, we are here for you!